she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
