just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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