i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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