And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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