True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
