I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
