What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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