I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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