the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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