I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
