but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
