My underwear smells like fireworks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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