Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
