guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
