she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
