am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
BRING THE BAGELS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
