I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
