There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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