I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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