tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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