I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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