See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
