Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
