he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
