i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
