Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
