Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
