So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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