So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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