i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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