my sisters under your porch take her home
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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