Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I smell like Dick and happiness
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
