My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
