Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
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