I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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