Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
