but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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