he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
