Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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