It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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