Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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