The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
