Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize