i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
