It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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