12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
