My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
