Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
