Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
