they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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