I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize