you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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