I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
