she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you still have your period?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
