If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
