She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
