I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
