Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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