I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
