the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
