I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
