My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
