He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
