Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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