you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
