you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think my tv is drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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