Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
