Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
