He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
