Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
