After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have fence marks all over my body
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
